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kirakira
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kirakira

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3 years ago
Due to the nature of this group, there are many posts regarding the lives and issues of our members. Now we have a place to put them all! I know I like to give advice, but anyone from the club is welcome to give their two cents as well. ^_^ So come on in dearies and give us your troubles so as we may try to help (or ease the pain).

~Kanbaru-chan is here for you! (>*3*)> \\(-.-')



Disclaimer: The "advice givers" are not liable for any actions taken outside of mfc.net or any of the members involved. Advice is just information or personal opinions and there is no obligations for it to be used or ignored. There is also no requirement for follow-up on any members part.
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Yuri-con Extraordinaire - Deal With It, Bro!
  #540265

kirakira
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kirakira

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3 years ago
*sigh* ok, here's my problem:

The most important person in my life basically hates me and won't tell me why. I don't know what to do anymore because I can no longer go on thinking that he just needs more time to himself before telling me what happened. It's gotten to the point where he is making me too sad to visit my favorite sites. We have been best friends for a while, and I thought nothing could change that, but I guess I am just naive...

It has been six weeks since he last spoke to me. I sent him a text today explaining my feelings about it.

I don't know what to do anymore. It's like a part of me has just... died. He means more to me than any friend, partner or family member.
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Yuri-con Extraordinaire - Deal With It, Bro!
  #565651

Mitten
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Mitten

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3 years ago
:< I seriously hope he gets back to you with some sort of explanation, Kira. It’s very hurtful to ignore someone you care about like that and leave the other person wondering what the problem is for that much time. It doesn’t sound like best friend behavior but if you were best friends with him for awhile then I’ve got some faith that he’ll get back to you if he is.

Did you ask what was wrong before? It’s only natural to ask about someone you care about so if you did, ignoring you for that long is mean. Uuu, I hope something can be worked out! I don’t want you to lose something you cherish so much if it can be helped.
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  #565833

kirakira
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kirakira

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3 years ago
Mitten:< I seriously hope he gets back to you with some sort of explanation, Kira. It’s very hurtful to ignore someone you care about like that and leave the other person wondering what the problem is for that much time. It doesn’t sound like best friend behavior but if you were best friends with him for awhile then I’ve got some faith that he’ll get back to you if he is.

Did you ask what was wrong before? It’s only natural to ask about someone you care about so if you did, ignoring you for that long is mean. Uuu, I hope something can be worked out! I don’t want you to lose something you cherish so much if it can be helped.


Thanks for the encouragement. I did ask him, the last time we spoke as well as in the text today. No response. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to wait and see/try to move on with my life. :-/
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Yuri-con Extraordinaire - Deal With It, Bro!
  #565873

Mitten
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Mitten

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3 years ago
>:< Always here, no probalo.
There has to be some reason why he’s acting this way though… People don’t just start hating someone for no reason at all, especially if they were friends before. So even if you do end up having to move on, you deserve some explanation.
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  #565887

Mitten
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Mitten

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3 years ago
I had a pretty bad day today… Think someone could listen and give their two cents?

So I’ve been going to conventions with my best friend for years and our main anime convention is around the corner. I asked today what her plans for going were and it was along the lines of “I’m going to be staying with so-and-so because I split the hotel bill with her (friend we stayed with last year) and I think my mom will be dropping me off.” No we or anything.

Long story short, I asked why I was never informed about the bill sharing, am I invited to go with her, and am I allowed to stay with them if I pay that friend too. Apparently this was planned months before and its my problem for being so late-notice about it. :s But that’s just it. Nobody ever told me these months ahead that they were even planning this. When I brought that up I got a lecture that I’m needy and I’m taking this too personal since I’m the one that didn’t plan ahead if I wanted to stay in a room with them so badly. That’s not what hurt my feelings so much at first though… It’s that nobody told me anything. Like they just don’t want me in their group anymore.

Bringing that up got me I’m needy and have been babied for her for far too long and that if I care so much about what she’s doing then I should be asking specific questions to her more. I just thought that friends tell each other stuff like what they’re planning to do when they do stuff together (although rereading this, it doesn’t sound like I’m especially wanted). I don’t have bunches of friends and she’s my best one I used to spend a lot of time with so that’s why this made me so upset. Maybe I am being a baby about it if I’m so needy… I don’t know. Any thoughts and opinions would help. I'd like to hear what other people think.
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  #632948

kirakira
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kirakira

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3 years ago
Hm, this seems like a common issue for con-goers.

I'd say it's hard to tell if you're being needy from just your post, but if you were purposefully being excluded from their plans, there is probably a reason. Whether or not it is a good one depends entirely on the circumstances. How has your relationship been with your friend recently? Any drama?

Sorry, I know that's not very helpful.
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Yuri-con Extraordinaire - Deal With It, Bro!
  #634266

Mitten
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Mitten

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3 years ago
kirakiraHm, this seems like a common issue for con-goers.

I'd say it's hard to tell if you're being needy from just your post, but if you were purposefully being excluded from their plans, there is probably a reason. Whether or not it is a good one depends entirely on the circumstances. How has your relationship been with your friend recently? Any drama?

Sorry, I know that's not very helpful.


Nope, any input is good so I can hear what other people think too.

Having thought about it and getting a text from her saying she would not have had her feelings hurt at all if I made plans without her I’m thinking we’re just finished doing con stuff together. Or at least I am now since I don’t want to be in the dark all over again and then get talked to rudely when I ask about anything. That’s why it upset me no doubt. Up until this point we did all of this together without question but instead of simply saying “I’d like to do stuff on my own this year” I get treated like I’m a stupid and a pest. It’s almost like I was lead on that everything was going as normally.

No, no recent drama as I hung out with her not long ago and everything was fine. I'm feeling better about it now though. I’m not going to let it ruin the whole event for me and if I’m going to get insulted more I just won’t talk with her there. DX It’d be awful being a Madoka who actually weeps.
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  #634368

kirakira
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kirakira

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3 years ago
MittenkirakiraHm, this seems like a common issue for con-goers.

I'd say it's hard to tell if you're being needy from just your post, but if you were purposefully being excluded from their plans, there is probably a reason. Whether or not it is a good one depends entirely on the circumstances. How has your relationship been with your friend recently? Any drama?

Sorry, I know that's not very helpful.


Nope, any input is good so I can hear what other people think too.

Having thought about it and getting a text from her saying she would not have had her feelings hurt at all if I made plans without her I’m thinking we’re just finished doing con stuff together. Or at least I am now since I don’t want to be in the dark all over again and then get talked to rudely when I ask about anything. That’s why it upset me no doubt. Up until this point we did all of this together without question but instead of simply saying “I’d like to do stuff on my own this year” I get treated like I’m a stupid and a pest. It’s almost like I was lead on that everything was going as normally.

No, no recent drama as I hung out with her not long ago and everything was fine. I'm feeling better about it now though. I’m not going to let it ruin the whole event for me and if I’m going to get insulted more I just won’t talk with her there. DX It’d be awful being a Madoka who actually weeps.


I'm sorry, but if you could be a weepy useless Meduka, that would be fantastic. It's terrible to say, but I love when cosplayers can't help but act like the character. I once saw a Crona (Soul Eater) cosplayer who was sitting all alone at a table with a really depressed look on their face. It was hilarious. Obviously, the poor kid was actually lonely and sad, but it was too perfect.

What con are you going to? I'm working on my east coast con list right now, since I'm new to the area and everything.
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Yuri-con Extraordinaire - Deal With It, Bro!
Updated 3 years ago #636680

Mitten
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Mitten

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3 years ago
XD Oh goodness…Now that you mention it that would be pretty spot on of me. I love when people are in character too, since I really don’t see that happening extremely often. D’awww, poor Crona.

I’ll bet there’s no end to cons you can go to in east coast! NDK is in Colorado. :/ Getting not so good these days since it wants to be so family oriented, has an attendance cap starting this year that they’ve never passed, and a crackdown on rules. Need to go to different cons... I just don't know which would be good.

I will move this discussion elsewhere since its not advice anymore… :v But I got a bit of feedback and that’s always better than nobody trying to help. Thank you!
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Updated 3 years ago #636735

Tsukiko
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Tsukiko

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2 years ago
So one of my friends has been saying some things that bother me quite a bit. He said he had no problem with me being bi, but the first discussion we had about this subject ended in big argument.

He said that his friend had just broken up with his gf and that she revealed to him that she was bi around the same time. He kept insisting that bisexuals are more likely to leave their boyfriends since they have twice as many options so it makes sense for guys to be concerned if their gf turns out to be attracted to both genders.

We do have more options, but a person's faithfulness in a relationship depends on their personality. Just because you're attracted to more than one person doesn't mean you're going to leave your bf or gf for someone else. I'm sure he'd agree that a guy isn't necessarily going to break up with his gf just because he finds other girls attractive. If someone is prone to cheating, they're going to cheat no matter what their sexual orientation is.

It upsets me that he seems to think that bisexuals are less trustworthy in relationships. I know he didn't intend to insult me, but I think he was making hasty generalizations about something he knows very little about. I felt bad about getting into an argument with him, but it's important to me.

Have any of you had experiences where a friend accepts you, but still occasionally says some ignorant things like this?
  #797350

mewi
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mewi

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2 years ago
Well dating a bisexual only makes me more jealous XD cause I'm the jealous type hehe and when she starts going on about how hot that guy is, it makes me wish she'd only talk about girls with me lol XD

I think the biggest concern about dating someone who is bisexual or even "lesbian" is, some of them are just experimenting at your expense. Which is unfortunate!

But that guy your "friend" is just spouting social dogma. Screw that!


Speaking of ignorance, I had a friend for like 5 years in this game then he said "its a known fact that straights make better parents, I'm not being a bigot thats just reality" and Im like BS, either way in the end I removed him as friend.
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Updated 2 years ago #804486

mintbunny
The Geeky Bunny
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mintbunny

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2 years ago
TsukikoIf someone is prone to cheating, they're going to cheat no matter what their sexual orientation is.

THIS. You tell him that cheaters will cheat, sexual orientation be damned. I'm bi and I love my fiancé more than anything and would never ever leave him for ANYONE.

Also, your statement (or his really) only talks about bi females leaving their boyfriends. What about bi guys. They're rare, but they exist. Either way, sexual orienation has NOTHNG to do with whether someone will cheat. End of story.
  #804669

mewi
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mewi

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2 years ago
*pouty blowfish face*
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  #838586

CinnamonSwirls
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CinnamonSwirls

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11 months ago
I know this thread is basically dead and has been left as such for a long time, but ah I have some feelings to vent, if that's okay.

Well ah I guess it isn't that big of a deal, but I have always been identified as straight. I was the straightest person you probably could meet. I have never been attracted to another girl before.

Well, just a few months ago, I actually realized that I have romantic feelings for a girl who is a really good friend of mine. At first, I thought it may have just been admiration or maybe my hormones getting the best of me, but nope. The feelings not only linger, but grow stronger when I'm with her. I just care for her so much. She is the nicest and most talented person I have met. She makes me feel so optimistic and I just adore being around her. This all started when I was home sick and I left her alone at school for a week. All I could think about was her. We still act pretty normal around each other, but I sometimes feel kind of afraid to be too crazy and I like to sometimes dress-up for her too. Ahh, I'm rather embarrassed to say, but yes I have had those moments where you stare into the persons eyes and it's like your floating on air as you speak with them. My heart has raced for her and I have blushed. Not too often, but I have.

Now, I am not only sort of confused as to what I am and what I want out of all this. I just couldn't imagine sexually being with a girl, but this is all just romantic feelings and I really don't know what to do with the whole sexual aspect of it. Not only that, but she's a really close friend and she also identifies as straight, so I don't know what to do. My friends tell me to speak to her about it at some point, but I cannot... I can't. I'm afraid I may be like a traitor because I'm supposed to be her friend and that's it. To top it off, my dad is religious and he not only doesn't know anything about this, but he wouldn't like knowing the fact that his daughter might be gay for another girl... my mom knows though and she's fine, I guess. anyway, yeah so now I'm in a bit of a pickle. Yah see, I have always been accepting of all orientations, but when it comes to myself...it's scary. I keep saying she's the exception, but I don't know. I still love guys though and I am really sexually attracted to them, but I find it easier to be around girls and I find them physically appealing....just not sexually.

Also, what's even more awkward is the fact that she looks exactly like the Heather Mason statue (item #163739) I have on order and I obsess over, haha xD She looks rather boyish actually, so whoa *swoons alittle*. When I say they look exactly alike, I mean THEY LOOK LIKE THE SAME PERSON AND IT SCARES ME.
Updated 11 months ago #1851578

Mitten
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11 months ago
Then we'll resurrect this thread for you, Cin!

I can relate with this. So much that it hurts a bit reading it.

I admired an upperclassman in my school and we became great friends over time. But then I also noticed that I would do little things to get her to notice me more (dressing up more like you mentioned), paying very special attention to what she likes and bringing her those things (snacks, little gifts) between classes, and just treasuring all the time we spent together and I felt bummed when it was over with. I also did find her more attractive than I had before. She looks boyish too, although I'd never thought about it until around then.
What made me realize that I really had feelings for her was when she told me she broke up with her boyfriend. XD Of course I acted sympathetic, but I was really thrilled! I was confused by that and how I would have a tinge of jealousy when guys were acting too close around her. Still I hid my feelings for her... mostly.

Little things I did made her notice I liked her. My looking a little sad/getting grouchy when someone was playfully flirting, unconsciously drawing a heart while we'd be talking about going to the same school (and she'd notice...), how I'd try and hold hands and play it off casually... So I was lucky in that we just ended up kissing at my house. It was spur of the moment for us both but it stuck and without saying so formally, we were girlfriends. From then on every moment with her was a million times sweeter. I remember crying some evenings just from being so happy. I never ever ever thought my first relationship would be with a girl but it was and I felt proud just being with her. I was with the one I admired!

We both come from religious families though so it was a secret. We only gave each other affection behind closed doors. I didn't necessarily like that but I understood it. And that's just something that flowed on its own. I had thought I was straight, I didn't think about what I could do with her sexually before (I mean not beyond kissing), it just happened for us both and we learned. I feel like that's how the whole relationship went, start to finish, it just happened.

My mom found out (that a whole other story), gf got stranger, dumped me, my dad found out, we were still friends for awhile, gf got stranger still, and we're not friends anymore. It took years for me to get over, but eh, I'm sensitive.

I'm glad it happened though. I thought she was the only exception to liking girls, but I think I just fell in love with the person. It's easy to see beauty in both genders now.

Your mom being cool with it helps. I've noticed it just takes time for some parents to accept. I understand your worry completely though. I felt absolutely ashamed when my mom first found out.
XD Sooo I don't mean to throw a damp towel on story, seems like that's what I did with my ending, but its your life. You should do what would makes you happiest and sometimes you have to risk one thing for the other. Sort out your feelings some more maybe? If you truly want to be more than friends with her maybe take that leap. It sounds like you are attracted to her though. Isn't that the first step in going farther?

:3 Venting helps. I'll be around to listen and throw in some of what I know.
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Updated 11 months ago #1852549

CinnamonSwirls
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11 months ago
Thank you so much, Mitten. I really appreciate that you took the time to read my feelings and shared your experiences too. That means a lot to me.

Wow, but it seems like you had a nice first relationship with a person you cared dearly for, and even if it has ended, it still is an important part of you. I really enjoyed reading what you had to say! It was very interesting and it really does match up with my situation too (well the beginning anyways haha xD).

To put my situation in more detail, this girl and I have been friends for 2 and a half years. Me and her are trying to get into the same college, so we both took a year off to ready ourselves. In the mean time, we still attend the same highschool we graduated from, so we are alone with one another 24/7. We have a nice friendship going and we are super close. She knows everything about me except for my current feelings for her. She is really pretty and kinda boyish, as I mentioned before, and many guys probably admire her from afar. To top it off her personality is very genuine. She's a really good person with a great sense of humour. I cannot see any flaws in her, and any I do, they make her even better. Well, anyways, I always thought that maybe, due to the fact that we are always together and I really don't like any guys in our school, maybe I just wanted someone to like. Well, after many weeks of thinking about that and all, I realise that...strangely enough these feelings are genuine and the time we spent alone really showed me a lot more great things about her. I think, deep down, I really do want to be more than friends, but I try to deny it and keep it all inside. I do get jealous when she talks about a guy she thinks is cute. I don't show it and I try to support her, but still....apart of me still hurts alittle. I just really want to be with her and...ah...maybe hold her or whatever...I feel really corny, but ahhh I don't know.

I just feel extremely bad because she had a friend, very recently, who had a huge crush on her and she didn't like them like that and I feel awkward because...well now ANOTHER friend likes her(that's me). Not only that, but that other person is biologically a female, but identifies themselves as a male. So, I mean, I don't know if she is open herself. I don't want to pressure her though. I just don't know what to do at this point. I don't know how to find out if she is okay with "expanding her horizons" if you know what I mean.

Sorry for the corny-ness, hehe. I'm done. I guess I'm all freaked out because this is all so new to me D:
You know, I don't know how, but maybe I will take a risk and...try to leap in there...I don't know how to, but if an opportunity arises >.<'
Updated 11 months ago #1852605

Mitten
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Mitten

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11 months ago
No problem~

I'm able to see the light in it now! Believe me, I was a bitter little thing going through it all.

Ugh. Very close situation to mine again. After it was all over with my gf I got told something similar by my mother of all people. "You just put all your feelings onto her because you were around her so much." It made me wonder for a long time if that was true. Was I really just desperate for someone to love on that I chose her, put all that feeling into the relationship, and it's my own problem for feeling crushed? But no, it's not like that. When it's a situation where you come to love your friend it's not a "I think I'll love this person now" switch. You come to love someone and the fact that they're the same gender becomes irrelevant. Or at least that's how I've come to look at it.

Ooo. That is pretty complex sounding. I was very lucky that things just so happened to flow and connect... :x I'm kinda shy (way more back then) and was nervous about coming out to her. What about some day bringing up a conversation like "Remember *person who had huge crush on her*? Do you think you would have gone out with them if they were a female?" Or even a conversation leading up to "Do you think you'd ever go out with a girl?" along with your own input. It does feel all like a delicate subject when you're being careful but it's hard to know otherwise.

If you did confess to her, I think telling her what you wrote would be perfect. Those things you like about her and how getting to know her more and more has made her more beautiful to you. Those details show how genuine your feelings are.
How did she let the other friend down, by the way? Was she nice about it and are they still friends?

I just know there are some people who will refuse to take a relationship farther because they don't want the friendship ruined. :I That's happened to me too. It's a complicated thing this is.

Aww, you're not being corny. It's sweet! Sometimes you have to talk about these things to understand what you're feeling. Makes the puzzle come together, so to speak.

View spoilerHide spoiler Feel free to pm me by the way if you want to talk that way instead. I'm good either way but just in case.
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  #1852803

xxangelchanxx
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xxangelchanxx

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11 months ago
lol this thread...
http://i.imgur.com/H6dgR.gif
  #1853991

CinnamonSwirls
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CinnamonSwirls

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11 months ago
Mitten (11 months ago)
Yeah, I think I'll PM yah because I really don't want to spam this thread with this kinda shit.
Honestly, I know it's not really all that big of a deal and all, but it really does help to speak your mind when it comes to an orientation you aren't sure of. So, for that, I thank you.

xxangelchanxx (11 months ago)lol this thread...

I don't see what's so funny. Elaborate.
Updated 11 months ago #1854539

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